Slushpile Interview: ASIM's Readers (Part Three)
The eternally patient slush readers at Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine have humoured me long enough. Here, in the final installment of this round table interview (Parts One and Two), the kid gloves come off, to reveal the latex gloves coated in anti-bacterial gel that they must wear when handling unsolicited submissions.
Note: Several of the interviewees refer below to a mythic entity, variously known as the 'Slush King', 'Slush Queen', 'Slushmaster' or 'Slushmistress'. I'm assuming that this is this refers to ASIM's submissions handler, and not to an actual monarch of the slushpile -- if it's the latter, I think they've been reading slush way too long. In any event, I'm sure it's a hereditary title.
How far "out there" do some people go? Worst/strangest/most elaborate?
Haynes: I've written and edited my response to this question several times now, because I don't want to offend anyone. I'll just say that I've read a couple of stories which should probably have been forwarded to mental health experts. Horror, of course.
Battersby: The worst submission I've received wasn't actually a submission at all! It was an emailed invitation to peruse somebody's 17000 line SF poem regarding their cat, and to reproduce as much, or all, of it as I liked. I've also had to reject one submission on the grounds that, even if the writing had been up to scratch, we just couldn't bring ourselves to publish a story where the author had chosen to illustrate each paragraph with an assortment of clip art that he insisted had to be reproduced.
What responses, if any, have you received from rejected writers?
'Charlie': I don't get responses directly but we do get feedback sometimes which the Slush king or Queen shares. It is always positive, saying how much the author appreciated the feedback and the time we have taken to give it. But they may be hiding the negative stuff.
Wessely: Generally we get a very positive response from our writers, because a) our reading process is very transparent and we keep authors in the loop as to what stage their story is at and b) we often provide feedback from the slushers. There are some loopy people out there who get a bit paranoid about their ‘baby’ – to them I say if you can’t handle rejection (and can’t read the emails the slushmistress/master sends to you regularly and take them at face value!) maybe you shouldn’t be in this game. We try to do it nicely and constructively, but as an author, you need to deal with it!
Haynes: Personally, none. The slushmaster isn't supposed to put our names on the response(s), but I think a couple did slip through once so I stopped putting my name, sig or anything else in my replies. Eventually I stopped commenting altogether. Yes or no, that's it.Battersby: The majority of writers I've worked with have accepted rejections for what they are: confirmation that this story won't be purchased by this magazine at this time. (NB: That's all they are.) Occasionally I've had a writer contact me to ask whether there's anything they need to do in order to be more successful next time, or whether I had a view on what should happen to the story next. It's not a move I'd recommend, but anybody who shows humility and dedication should be welcomed gently. However ...
Every now and again, you push somebody's ego button. I've received the odd 'rejection reply' where the author has chosen to respond to the rejection itself, just to let me know how wrong I was. Nothing you can do about people like that: they just don't know how to behave, and spanking them will only make them madder.
I've been on mailing lists where authors have blown off steam or bitched about a rejection I've given them. I did so once, myself, very early in my career. Luckily, I had some friends who let me know, in no uncertain terms, how unprofessional that was.
If you could add some clauses to the submission guidelines, what would they be?
'Charlie': I would say 'Read the guidelines'. :) There is little more disappointing than reading a story that doesn't fit our criteria.
Wessely: Read the submission guidelines! Oh wait, we already say that. Funny how so many people don’t listen! Research your market – check out past issues of the magazine, see what we publish, see what we like.
Haynes: I update the website so I can add whatever the hell I like. Bwahaha.Battersby: No stories about cats. No cheeky hobbit sidekicks. No stories that can be described in terms of another author. No stories that can be described as being "like concept A meets concept B". Read these guidelines again before you send your story to us. If you cannot recite these guidelines from memory, you are not ready to send to us.
How has reading the slushpile impacted your own writing, and your opinion of publishing?
'Charlie': Getting published is a matter of continued effort and writing and re-writing. I now know how subjective is the decision to include something or not. I think about my writing in a different way - I am more objectively critical of it, which I think is for the better.
Wessely: Reading the slush has had one impact on me – I want to be able to publish more of the great stuff I read. It makes me sad when I see really good stories slipping out of the ASIM editorial pool simply because we can’t fit them in upcoming issues.
Haynes: I'd recommend ALL writers get involved in slush reading, except it makes the poor souls submitting stories sound like some kind of lab rats.
Battersby: I'm far more ruthless when it comes to evaluating my own work. Short stories are like stand-up comedy, or rock and roll: brevity is important, and nothing matters quite so much as that whatever you say, you do so with attitude. The world is full of bland MOR types playing safe for fear of offending anybody and losing an audience who can't pick them out amongst the crowd anyway.
How long can you imagine yourself doing this before you go completely insane?
'Charlie': Don't know - just take it week by week. I don't feel like I am going insane for the most part - but perhaps that's because I am already there.
Wessely: I’m lucky in that I don’t have to do this all the time. I can take slushing breaks if real life gets too much. But seriously, I could do this forever – who wouldn’t, when the next story you read might be the biggest and best thing ever?
Battersby: I'm not slushing at the moment, mainly because there are no magazines with whom I have a working relationship and which I identify strongly enough with that I want to offer my services. If I had the time and money I'd be much more likely to run my own pet project over which I have some measure of control regarding the quality and style of the stories I publish. But if I had the time, and the right project came along, I'd consider it. It's a good way to keep track of one's own quality control.
Haynes: I already went insane and stopped.
A fine note to end on. My thanks to 'Charlie', Ms. Wessely, and Messrs. Haynes and Battersby for taking the time to respond to my questions.
For the 'dedicated' writers out there, vainly labouring on your little ditties, not yet ready to accept that I'm right -- there are many valuable points raised here, a veritable checklist of mistakes you're probably making. Did you spot them?
(I could list them, but that would just be enabling you.)
