Weekend Update #16

(For week ending April 29th.)

Amazon have finally decided to retire the worst neologism in the history of the Internet . It was bad enough when someone tortured the perfectly innocent and functional "weblog", saddling a nascent communication tool with a name remarkably similar to a slang word for excrement, costing the communication tool half a decade of credibility. Then last year Amazon decided to patent another idea no-one wanted to steal, and name it with an onomatopoeic word for excretion. Thank fsck common sense eventually prevailed. (Via Victoria Strauss, who debates the merits of plogging [sic].)

While pointing out the folly of trends, the Rejecter explains how it's great to work for a book packager, if you can write to deadline and have no soul.

Miss Snark details the exact circumstances under which she sets fire to submissions.

Fiction Scribe has more Pet Peeves than I have Reasons -- some of which will become Reasons, when the statute of limitations runs out.

S.M. Hutchens tries to couch his criticism with the term "writers of bad writing". But then, without "wish[ing] to embarrass", "much of what we reject is that of simpler people". Occam's Razor does not apply.

The Rejecter explains the Second Book Clause, for those of you who will never get to read a book contract.

Alison Jannsen of Bleak House Books talks shop in an interview on YouTube (Warning: actual footage of a real live editor in her natural environment). There's a brief shot of her crawling through the slushpile on her hands and knees, if you're into that sort of thing. (Via Miss Snark, who really wants you to think about the slushpile.)

Jonah Goldberg of National Review (who may or may not be related to the brothers Goldberg of frequent linkage) writes passionately and clearly about the need to say what you fsckin' mean.

Lynn Veihl observes that becoming an author means automatic membership in a semi-exclusive club for professional nutbags, and the amateur nutbags who stalk them, and the club events that bring them together. She's discussing romance writing in particular, but the only difference to other genres is the costumes they wear.

Nathan Bransford says there are three C's to remember when it comes to writing query letters. One of them is Crazy.

Denis McGrath calls bullshit on fan fiction. The substance of his complaint: that fan fiction is "puerile, overwrought, florid, hamfisted, tin-eared, illiterate, badly spelled, laughably punctuated, intellectually bankrupt pig vomit." He writes for Canadian television, so he speaks with authority.

Quotes Taken Out of Context:

• Jay Lake: "I made a decision to stop writing."
• Mirtika paraphrasing Cory Doctorow: "He suggested you should [...] stop writing."
• Andy Brouwer quoting Geoff Ryman: "I sit and stare at the wall in despair and consider giving up writing."
• Whiny opinion editor for college newspaper, Matt Piper: "If you're lucky enough have the chance to stop writing columns [...] it's fantastic."
• Janet Berliner interviewing Ray Bradbury: "I'd have to quit writing."

Special Lee Goldberg Section:

• Why you have no chance of getting your own TV series.
• When you lie on your resume, you have to keep updating the lie, even if the truth is pretty bloody good, and especially if you're Clive Cussler.
• Successful film producers have more money than you. If they ask you for money, it's been a few years between hits.
• Lee Goldberg has the best fans.

Stop Writing if You Need This Advice award nominees:

• Agent Kristin lists seven novels she's sick to death of reading, but you keep writing.
• Lit Agent X lists five more reasons why your submission is lining a toilet bowl.
• Teresa Neilsen Hayden says that paying to attend a "pitch session" is effectively paying someone to say "maybe, uh, but really no".

SWiYNTA Miss Snark Edition:

• Don't listen to writers whining about writing. If writers knew what they were doing, there'd only be a few hundred of them.
• Don't get cute with your submissions. If it doesn't fit in a photocopier, it'll fit in the dumpster.
• Some people just want to be parted from their money.
• Don't criticize the agent's website, unless their name is at the bottom of the page alongside the "Made with MS FrontPage" badge.
• If a friend or relative offers to publish your book, check if they know what they're fsckin' doing.
• Get used to disappointment. If you're seriously thinking of a career in writing, it's because you realised no-one was going to make you an astronaut or an entrepreneur or a detective without you having to, you know, do some work yourself. Guess what, bucko.
• Four more reasons your submission is now stoking the fire.