Weekend Update #7

(I missed this one last week.) Lori Perkins explains why your unpublished ass is not going to sell books in different genres to different agents/publishers, no matter how much you want to pay the bills.

Perkins also breaks down the demographics of the 30,000 submissions she receives each year, competing for "some" new slots in her client list. Her office is six months' behind. So spend that time revising, or, you know, just stop.

Tod Goldberg, the younger, hipper and less bankable of the G-boys (who abso-fscking-lutely hates Parade and its weekly cavalcade of fucktards), finds mirth in the ramblings of a fanfiction group bonded by their mutual hatred of Lee Goldberg, writer-for-hire. Like true fanficcers (ugh, can you believe they use that term?), they couldn't write about hating on Lee until someone published an article hating on Lee.

The late Paul Riddell points out the danger of posting lists of cliches, as SomethingAwful did with a list they charitably describe as a Dictionary of Common Sci-Fi Metaphors. All of these had been flogged to death even before the original Star Trek dragged out their corpses into the electric light, with the exception of "The Internet as drug", which was dust before Al Gore was finished inventing the thing. (Paul does at least avoid his own cliches - there's no "freebasing Preparation H" or "Now's not the time to mention".)

Then again, if John Scalzi has to write about how he doesn't want to be in charge of the "New Comprehensible" movement in science fiction, maybe the genre needs Preparation H as much as Paul says it does.

Agent Kristin observes, based on a very limited sample, that most (romance) authors get their first sale with their fourth novel. There are two important lessons in this:

• Your first three novels are practice. Don't even try to sell them.
• If you can't sell your fourth novel, you're crap.

Nathan Bransford argues against the myth that great literature doesn't get published anymore, giving this bad writer's lament more credence than it deserves. If a great book selling well constitutes "hiding in plain sight," you're admitting that you need someone else to tell you a book is great before you'll believe it.

"Dear Editor, I love the back cover blurb for Latest Bestseller. I'm interested in reading the book it was written about." Penguin's Senior Copywriter discusses how much research goes into writing a back cover blurb - other than, you know, actually reading the book. (Via Zooba.)

John Scalzi explains what it's like to make money from your fiction. Go read it. Now get back to the day job. (He goes on to explain why he talked money, and what it all means. I think he should have let the money stand on its own.)

Radar Magazine looks at some great remainder bin bargains (ghost)written by famous people. Hands up if you own them. (Via Rake.)

Stop Writing if You Need This Advice Award nominees:

• Victoria Strauss explains why seeking an overseas agent is a complete waste of time.
• Lynn Veihl fails to heed Paul's advice about lists, posting ten cliches that were lame and embarrassing the first time they were used.
• Agent Kristin reminds you not to submit if you haven't finished the fscking novel (or if you aren't "ready" to send sample pages, which amounts to the same thing).
• Nathan Bransford points out the folly of following trends.
• And points out that you can learn something from your rejection letters. Other than that you've so far learned nothing from your rejection letters.

And lastly, the elephant in the room. Miss Snark thinks you should never give up writing. If it brings you joy. And you pay attention to what it teaches you. And you try your utmost to improve. And you recognize that these moments of despair or frustration or fear are part of the process.

That should rule out most of you.